Family law expert, Alishia Marrocco, looks at the challenges faced by separated parents at Christmas and provides some practical tips to help with child contact arrangements.
Tis the season to be jolly! Sadly, this is not the case for everyone and Christmas can be an especially difficult time for separated parents who are attempting to agree arrangements for their children over the festive period.
December is often a very busy period as we are contacted by concerned parents trying to sort out arrangements for the forthcoming holiday. This can be stressful and upsetting and we have formulated a few top tips to help ensure Christmas contact can be arranged without dispute, and more importantly without disruption to the children, whose welfare must remain the paramount concern at all times.
1. Propose and negotiate in advance
One of the biggest problems we see in the weeks before Christmas is parents attempting to arrange Christmas contact too late. It is very important to ensure that any proposals for Christmas contact are made far enough in advance to allow open negotiations in the children’s best interests. It is imperative that the children are shielded from these discussions.
If face-to-face communication between the parents is not an option, they should consider other methods such as text message or email proposals. All correspondence should remain child focused and conciliatory in order to ensure matters remain calm and give the best opportunity for matters to be agreed.
However, by beginning the dialogue early it means that if direct negotiations are unsuccessful there is time to make a referral to mediation or consult a solicitor to aid in this process.
2. Do what works for you and more importantly the children!
There is no set formula for Christmas contact. Each matter needs to be assessed on the family’s individual circumstances and may be influenced by a number of external factors such as geographical location of the parents etc. However, there are patterns that emerge for Christmas contact routines, which include:
3. Set clear boundaries
Many recently separated parents suggest they will both be present with the children on Christmas Day. Whilst this can work in some circumstances where matters remain amicable, it can also cause confusion and upset for the children. They may believe there is a prospect of reconciliation between the parents, which makes matters harder once the day is over and they separate again. This situation can also cause the children to witness animosity between the parents, which should be avoided at all costs, but especially on Christmas Day.
4. Gifts
It is also a good idea to have open discussions over Christmas gifts for your children when sorting arrangements. It is imperative that parents do not adopt a competitive attitude around special occasions in an attempt to ‘outdo’ the other parent. Whilst material gifts may seem important, children will benefit far more from seeing their parents working together amicably and enjoying good quality time with them both.
5. Be Kind
It is important to remember that it will be difficult for any parent to be without their children over the Christmas period. It is therefore vitally important not to use the contact arrangements as ammunition to cause distress or hurt to the other parent. Where possible and practicable you should try to facilitate indirect contact with the other parent, this can be via phone or video calls.
Should you require any further advice or assistance on arranging contact over the festive period, please contact one of the family team who are here to assist.
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